“Why? You want to know why?
Step into a tanning booth and fry yourself for two or three days. After your skin bubbles and peels off, roll in coarse salt, then pull on long underwear woven from spun glass and razor wire. Over that goes your regular clothes, as long as they are tight.
Smoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and bitch and whore and worst of all, “a disappointment.” Puke and starve and cut and drink because you don’t want to feel any of this. Puke and starve and drink and cut because you need the anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it’s too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can’t stop.
Look in a mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everysinglething is wrong with you.
“Why?” is the wrong question.
Ask “Why not?”
(Source: suicidelist)
My day is sorted.
I’m going to Bleakholt to get some of the dogs out, like my little buddy Rosie and probably Kia. Rosie, the other day though, I fell over on ice and was sat on my bum and she came over to me and licked my face like ‘You okay?’ and it was cute. Oh, I went yesterday though and a little staffy, Tess, wouldn’t let me out of the cage. We’d been on a walk and I was putting her in her cage again and she sat in front of the door so I gave her a treat like ‘There you go Tess.’ and then threw one to the back so she’d go and get it. She ran half way, changed her mind and came back to the door so I couldn’t get out. My Dad had to rescue me. Just saying.
Oh, then later on I’m going to go and see Kieran ‘cause he’s lovely and it’s always nice to go and see your boyfriend.
Then later, like really later, I’m staying at Sophie’s with her and Jaymie and I’m going in my pyjamas and coming home in my pyjama’s. Standard.
Today’s good, yes?
(Source: moretoliving)
